A number of weeks in the past I wrote a column on “Men’s Soiled Little Secrets and techniques” and spilled the beans on the truth that most men do not know a lot about condoms, besides that they seem to be a mood-killer, sensation-duller, and total large pain-in-the-ass. At the moment, I did not elaborate, however judging out of your emails, I piqued numerous readers’ curiosity. Thus, I’m responding with a short treatise on “The Correct Care and Feeding of a Prophylactic.”

Earlier than I start, nonetheless, I need to deal with just a few questions which may understandably be crossing your thoughts, equivalent to: “Why is he giving directions to ladies on condom utilization? Should not he be giving this data to men? Do not we have now sufficient contraception strategies to be accountable for – cannot guys be liable for one factor?” All honest questions, to make certain. However the backside line on this topic is: Regardless of readily-available directions, guys are woefully unaware of their lack of understanding on this area. And if men are ignorant about correctly apply, use, take away and eliminate a condom, ladies are those who’re going to unwittingly pay the worth. And with the worth being undesirable being pregnant or contraction of a potentially-fatal illness, the necessity so that you can be educated turns into crucial. It is probably not your job, but when your man is ill-informed or clueless, you’ll nonetheless must endure the implications.

The very first thing to learn about condoms is that they weren’t initially developed to cease being pregnant. In truth, once they got here into existence, their mission was to cease the unfold of STDs which have been apparently operating rampant in sure elements of “civilized society.” Their utilization as a contraceptive gadget did not come into play till greater than a century later when scientists lastly found out that offering a barrier to these sneaky, resourceful little spermatozoa bastards might successfully restrict the variety of respectable and illegitimate offspring who would finally be combating tooth and nail for his or her share of mentioned sperm producer’s estate. And so it was, that this pesky penis protector, then fabricated from animal intestines, discovered its manner into the hearts, minds and vaginas of our sexually-active ancestors.

However that is sufficient digression. Let’s discuss trendy condoms and their utilization. As you recognize, when used accurately, at this time’s latex condoms are touted to be about ninety-seven p.c efficient as a contraceptive gadget and supply among the finest defenses towards STDs this facet of preserving your legs tightly crossed (animal pores and skin condoms, whereas purportedly providing related being pregnant safety and extra sensation to the male, are a much less efficient methodology of stemming the circulate of organisms that trigger sexually transmitted ailments). So how are these condoms correctly used?

1) All the time verify the expiration date on the condom, one thing guys usually neglect. Whereas generally tough to do within the warmth and low-light of passionate encounters, it’s nonetheless very important to the method of efficient utilization. I imply, you would not drink expired milk, and the worst that might trigger is gastro-intestinal misery. Expired condoms may cause infants and demise (a bit dramatic, however nonetheless true).

2) The condom must be placed on earlier than any shut encounters along with your decrease lips. The pre-ejaculate fluid that loiters on the penis tip early on within the erectile course of can comprise sperm and transmittable microbes in case your accomplice is STD-infected. So “no rubbin’ with no rubber.”

3) The penis must be erect earlier than you cloak it in a condom. In case your man optimistically wrapped his manhood earlier than he even picked you up for dinner, demand he re-apply a model new one (the old one could have been compromised and why take the prospect) when he’s at “full consideration.”

4) Take the brand new, unexpired, condom out of its packaging. Squeeze the tip, to power out any accrued air and create an area for the seminal fluid that can definitely be forthcoming (Do that even when the condom is manufactured with a “receptacle tip,” and particularly if it isn’t). Failure to offer satisfactory room for the approaching geyser, considerably will increase the chance of condom breakage. That spurt of “manseed” has to go someplace, in spite of everything. And if a correct “holding space” hasn’t been created, the expelled semen may very well bust via the latex, making a multitude, each actually and figuratively.

5) Subsequent, easy the condom all the way in which down the penis. The condom is sort of a house owner’s insurance coverage coverage, and also you’re searching for full protection. Why? As a result of when you get to bumpin’ and grindin’ you need to be sure that sucker is firmly anchored in place, and the extra grip-able floor, the higher.

6) Now to the matter of lubrication. These of you who’ve learn my guide, “Each Man Sees You Bare,” already know what a lubrication advocate I’m. And plentiful lubrication when utilizing a condom is completely important. I’m not speaking concerning the heat, natural fluid that naturally moistens your vagina and signifies arousal and penetration-preparedness. I’m speaking concerning the sort of lubricant you buy with delicate discomfort at Walgreens, all of the whereas hoping you do not run into your boss, your aged aunt, or your pastor. This lubricant must be water-soluble, like KY Jelly or Astroglide. Lotions, butter, or petroleum-based products ought to by no means be used with condoms, as their chemical response with latex could compromise the condom’s structural integrity. In different phrases, keep away from these until you need to get knocked-up or contaminated. Why lubricant? As a result of sexual exercise creates friction and friction can rub you and your condom the fallacious manner. And although chances are you’ll solely endure just a little soreness, an excessive amount of friction can improve the chance of condom breakage (Hey, possibly they need to make this stuff out of one thing just a little extra sturdy – like titanium, maybe). In any case, the extra lubrication, the much less friction. The much less friction, the more practical the condom utilization. And it goes with out saying; the lubricant goes ON THE OUTSIDE of the condom. Lubricate the within, and chances are you’ll later end up on a scavenger hunt of your womb 러브젤.

7) Now a fast phrase about spermicides. Use of this stealthy sperm murderer can improve the contraceptive effectiveness of the condom. It could be discreetly bought online or at your native drug retailer. And a few condoms are even “pre-lubed” with a spermicidal agent…a particular plus. No matter your selection, in case you’re severe about laying aside parenthood, a spermicide is an efficient complement to different contraceptive measures.

8) So he correctly placed on his non-expired condom previous to contact along with your non-public elements. He glazed his completely-sheathed erection with the really useful lubricant after which (lastly) insinuated himself inside your hospitable surroundings. Then you definately two went at it like rabbits. Now, in case you do not need to have bunnies in your future, there may be nonetheless yet another factor he must do. Very quickly after he has had his orgasm, he should grip the condom on the base, close to his testicles, and thoroughly extricate himself from the heat of your loins. In plain English, he ought to cum and go. You see, as quickly as your man ejaculates, he begins to slowly (and generally not-so-slowly) lose his erection. This gradual “shrinkage” causes the condom to suit much less snuggly and permits for the contained seminal fluid to start slithering down his shaft and out the underside of the condom. And in case your man remains to be imbedded in you, all his escaping swimmers could breaststroke their manner into your decrease passage, looking ever vigilantly for a receptive egg to cozy as much as. And you do not need that to occur, proper? So, gently however firmly, insist he “vacate your premises” (your vagina, not your home) quickly after he is finished his factor.

9) As soon as he is safely withdrawn, he ought to eliminate his condom within the trash. Recommend to him that he not flush it down the bathroom, as it might clog your pipes (and never in a great way). He then ought to wash all remaining remnants of his “love-juice” off his member earlier than rejoining you in bed to revel within the afterglow (nonetheless preserving his penis and your vagina at arm’s size, lest just a few stray however potent drops of his discharge be lurking at his penile tip, able to make their assault in your now unprotected womanhood).

So there it’s. The whole lot you and your man have to learn about correctly protect each of you from undesirable being pregnant and the unfold of nasty sicknesses. And though chances are you’ll assume he already is aware of all this, if he makes use of a condom and would not strictly adhere to all the above-mentioned procedures, he actually is placing each of you in danger. However in case you do not feel comfy broaching the topic with him, be happy to actually take issues into your individual palms. You may then flip making use of, “lubing,” and eradicating his condom into an attractive, constructive expertise. He’ll seemingly respect your efforts with out ever realizing that your motivation was his lack of understanding. You protected his ego and your well being. And what might be higher than that?

© 2008 David M. Matthews. All Rights Reserved.